A Quiet Shift
Let’s rewind to Christmas 2024. The office was closed, and I was off work, spending time with family. I was walking our dog through frosty fields under a low winter sun, one of those crisp, quiet days that usually brings peace. I felt happy. But something was off.
I couldn’t quite name it, but I’d noticed changes. I hadn’t organised any .NET or Umbraco meetups in months. My running shoes hadn’t seen daylight in ages. My usual contributions to the Umbraco community - PRs, mentoring, blog posts, had gone silent.
On that walk, I wasn’t consciously thinking about any of this. It was more like a flicker of awareness, a pulse that came and went.
Fast forward three months, and those flickers had become more frequent. I was struggling to focus, forgetting things, and even everyday life felt heavy. I was functioning, but something wasn’t right.
The Weight of the Dream
And yet, I had the “perfect” job. I was constantly learning, surrounded by brilliant developers, mentored by someone I deeply respected. I worked at a respected Umbraco agency that shared my passion for the community. It was everything I thought I wanted, but I was drowning.
I knew how business worked. I could see I was becoming a drag on the team. Despite the incredible support from my colleagues, the pressure I put on myself was backfiring.
Mistakes increased. My coding slowed. Deadlines slipped. That created pressure on the team, which added pressure to the business. It was a slippery slope, and I didn’t like where it was heading.
I’ve always been open about mental and physical health, so I raised my concerns. The team responded with kindness and understanding. But deep down, I knew this role wasn’t right for me anymore.
It was the first time I’d ever had to make that kind of call. Maybe it was age, experience, or just my mind telling me it was time to stop treading water and start swimming in a different lane.
Letting Go
I sat down with the company owners and had an honest conversation. We agreed it was time to move on.
It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. It felt like failure.
I left the company and the team I cared about with no new job lined up. But in conversations with close friends, something clicked:
“Owain, you’re burnt out.”
Burnout. That thing that happens to other people. People who hate their jobs or work 105-hour weeks. Not me.
Except it was me.
Downtime and Reflection
I wasn’t working excessive hours, but I was putting immense pressure on myself. Pressure to perform at work, organise meetups, stay visible in the Umbraco community, support my team, and keep things together at home. It all added up.
So I closed the laptop and took some real downtime.
For the first few weeks, I barely touched my laptop. I went bouldering, hit the gym, and spent time with my wife and dog.
I reflected: What do I want to do now?
I considered a full career change. Train driver sounded appealing, but the salary and training requirements made it unrealistic.
Self-employment? That lasted 30 minutes before I realised I didn’t need the extra stress.
A Community Advocate role felt right. I even reached out to Umbraco HQ, but they weren’t hiring. Still, that conversation helped me realise something important: I still wanted to be involved with Umbraco.
If I were on Mastermind, my specialist subject would be Umbraco, from version 7 to the current day.
I thought I needed to do more generic .NET work to be a “good” developer. But there’s no shame in knowing your strengths and leaning into them.
I know Umbraco. I love building user-friendly solutions in Umbraco. I don’t need to compare myself to others but I do need to believe in myself and trust the feedback I’ve received over the years. You are a good developer!
Rediscovery
Eventually, I opened my laptop again, but not for .NET or C#. I started coding in TypeScript and built a prototype Obsidian plugin.
Then I found a job looking for an Umbraco developer. I joined a great team and rediscovered my passion for coding and mentoring.
I’m sharing my experience with anyone who'll listen, clients, project managers, community members, my dog.
I’m writing blogs again, organising meetups, and even gave a talk about my Obsidian plugin at Umbraco In The City.
Leaving my previous job wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever done, it was hard. But I’ve learned a lot about myself by being honest and open.
The “dream job” doesn’t always work out. In today’s climate of job losses and limited recruitment, moving is risky, especially with nothing lined up.
But I never leave on a whim. I try to fix things first, whether it’s internal processes or personal struggles.
If I can say I gave it my all, then leaving becomes slightly easier. And I hope I leave every company better than I found it.
You get one chance at this life. You spend a huge chunk of it working.
Work should be enjoyable, where possible. And your mental and physical health will always matter more than any job.
5 Key Takeaways
- Burnout can happen even in your dream job. Passion doesn’t protect you from exhaustion.
- Self-awareness is crucial. Subtle signs—like losing interest in hobbies or community involvement—can signal deeper issues.
- It’s okay to step away. Leaving a role that no longer fits isn’t failure; it’s growth.
- Rediscovery takes time. Reflection and downtime can reignite your passion and clarify your direction.
- You don’t need to be everything. Lean into your strengths, trust your experience, and stop comparing yourself to others.
